The Big Move

I was sitting here thinking back about when I was still at home with my parents. I knew at some point I would be moving out to my own space. I was working a minimum wage job back then and kinda made a plan in my head. I decided every pay period I would purchase something I would need for my home (and store it under the bed and in the closet). So one week it was glassware, one week dishes, one week pots and pans and so on. I used to joke that I moved from a bedroom to a home and had what I needed. That strategy actually saved me a lot of time and energy. One other think I would have done, looking back now, would be to try to have a savings account for emergencies only. Not a "put and take" account where you put money in this week and take most of it out over the next 2 weeks. As a matter-of-fact, I urge those who are thinking of moving from a family home (to a spot where a mortgage or rental payment will be due) to take the amount of the rent or mortgage and put it in a bank account for 6 months. If that 6 monts is a struggle for you to maintain your other bills and obligations, it is not time to move. If everything was financially about the same, it may be a safe time to move. Once you move, if something happens job wise or your cash flow decreases, you will have that 6 month reserve that will keep you from panicking until you can stabilize your funds. This is not something that is necessarily taught in school. Some of this we learn from getting it wrong. But one person's experience can be another person's road map. Life holds many twists and turns. By making smart decisions and listening to sound advise, the ride of life can be smoother and less complicated. Your future self will thank you.

The Middle

Now, 22 years married, 2 girls, 9 grands (8 living). Life is good, really good. Empty nesters, traveling on a whim, cruising, visiting family and friends, staying up late binging on whatever we wanted to watch. Serving Jehovah together. Being happy. Still laughing and joking. 

Then he had a dizzy spell. I told him to lie down. That was on a Friday. That Saturday he got up to go out in the ministry. When he got to the Kingdom Hall, he got dizzy again. A brother told him to go get it checked out. He called me and asked if he should go to the ER there in Wadesboro (4-5 miles away)or go to an urgent care (30-40 miles away). I told him he shouldn't drive far if he was dizzy and to go to the ER and I would meet him there. He did. They happened to have a mobile MRI machine there that day. They found something on the scan and was going to transfer him to a hospital in Charlotte. There were no beds. They sent him home with medicine to relieve the pressure on his brain and an appointment to follow-up with a Neurologist. We did. Benign tumor on both sides of the frontal lobe. Surgery was the only option because of its size. I told him we had a cruise coming up the first part of March and asked if we needed to cancel or if he could go. He told us to go and have a good time and they would schedule it for after we returned. We went and had a ball as always. When we got home, we started thinking about next steps.

The Beginning part 2 of 2

After their divorce, he got stationed in Hawaii for 3 years. I told him I would probably be married by the time he came back. To my surprise, that did not happen. When he came back to NC, we were still communicating. Then the communication became more regular. We were married in 2003 on Nov 26. We went to the courthouse. Reception at the house afterwards. 

Life was not easy, only because he was still in the navy and they had him all over the place. When he finally retired, we were able to be together all the time. That was an adjustment as well. I had to hand him all the things I had been handling without him there. We managed. I think that is a part of marriage no one want to discuss. When you parent singly for so long and make all the decisions every day, it can be hard to submit to a husband for him to take over those duties. And sometimes new husbands or those who travel a lot or are in the military stationed elsewhere, may not know what to do at first. It can be frustrating for both husband and wife. It was for us. But we managed and talked. Sometimes there were hard conversations. But we got thru them because we liked each other and we loved each other. Some couples have love and not like. That can cause problems too. Our many years of friendship kept us tied to each other and the love kept us committed to make our marriage a success. 

The Beginning Part 1 of 2

Forty-eight years. That is how long I have known my husband. We met on a 4-H retreat. I was 14 and he was 17. My brother had already met him and liked him. When we met, I liked him too. He was funny, loved music and had a personality that drew you in.

When I got older, we fell in love and dated for a while. Because we lived almost 2 hours apart, it was hard for me to maintain the relationship with calls and a few visits here and there. We were still young. So, I broke up with him because I wanted someone to date who could be near me. It took him a long time to heal and looking back, it did for me too. I was just in denial. At some point, we started to talk again. It was actually after my marriage to a physically abusive man had ended. I needed my friend. The day after he got married, my letter reached him. He was in the Navy by this time. He would later say that if the letter had reached him one day earlier, he would not have gotten married.He called when he got my letter. He seemed guarded. I knew something was wrong. It was hard for him to know that I was divorced and he had just gotten married the day before. When he told me, I cried. At any rate, we kept in touch after that but not too much. He would sometimes talk about his marital problems and I was the listening ear or sometimes I gave advice when asked. I knew he would give the marriage his all and I felt I had lost him forever because I knew how he felt about the sacred bond. He would later say he stayed longer than he should have.

10 One Dollar Bills

Today I took 10 one dollar bills from my husband's wallet. They had been patiently living there since March. He went into the hospital March 30, 2026 and died April 22, 2026. Today is no special day. It is just the day that I had the strength and courage to take the money out. I am not sure what I will do with it. I don't know if I want to put it back into the wallet or quietly slip it into my own. My thought at this moment is the latter. And from there I will use it to help someone else who may need it. Maybe buy the persons grocery behind me in line. Of course, more will have to be added to the 10 ones. But I know that will be the thing that will bring me joy, knowing I literally used his last to help someone else. Now to go look for an opportunity to make it happen.

Hawaii in Pictures and videos

Here are some of the sights and sounds I enjoyed on my Hawaiian Cruise. Enjoy!

https://photos.app.goo.gl/H2oauxWacmF13PdP8 

Hawaiian Cruise Day 8

This was probably one of the more somber days of the cruise. Our tour took us to the Punch Bowl where over 13000 soldiers and sailors who died during world War II are buried. It is an actual extinct volcano called Pouwaina. I was also able to do something that, growing up, I only read about in history books. I got to see the USS Arizona Memorial and see where the attack on Pearl Harbor took place. Did you know the USS Arizona still leaks oil to this day? It is a phenomenon ofter called the "Black Tears of the Arizona". This oil leak is expected to continue for centuries as it is estimated that hundreds of thousands of gallons of fuel remain trapped inside the hull. When the ship was sank, it was fully fueled with about 1.5 million gallons. While on the memorial, you can look down and see the ship beneath the water. On one side of the memorial, part of one the smoke stacks sticks out of the water. The USS Arizona was declared a war grave because many of the bodies remain on the ship. They were unrecoverable because of the explosion and fires. While some bodies were vaporized, some were trapped in inaccessible parts of the wreckage and some were too badly damaged to be recovered. So, there are crew members entombed with the ship, which is sobering to realize as you are standing over crew members graves. At the far end of the memorial, there is a wall with all of the names of those who died. There are over one thousand bodies (1,102 according to Wikipedia) who are entombed on the Arizona.With the total number killed being 1,177 soldier and Marines. It is interesting that we were there on the 6th because next day, the 7th, marked 84 years since the attack. The area was getting ready for the commemoration for the next day.

I also learned that soldiers who die can be buried at Pearl Harbor. They can be buried at the National Memorial Cemetary of the Pacific (Punchbowl) and survivors of the USS Arizona attack can have their ashes interred within the ship's wreckage. I don't believe there are any survivors of the attack left. It would also be interesting to find out how many soldiers died later and were buried with their shipmates. While looking at all those names, I thought about the song "war" by Edwin Starr. "War, what is it good for, absolutely nothing. It ain't nothing but a heartbreaker, friends only to the undertaker."