Don't Expect Others to Be You!

A few days ago, I was disappointed by what some people did, or shall I say didn't do. I wondered why I had been treated the way that I was treated. I wondered what I had done or not done to deserve such treatment. I had to come to grips with the fact that everyone who is important to me might not feel the same way about me. The entire experience helped me to realize that others will not treat you like you will treat them. And you have to be OK with that. When your expectations of others are high and you are disappointed, it usually has nothing to do with who you are as a person. It has more to do with your lack of importance to them. Would I have done to them as they did to me? No. But again, they are not me. And I am not sure why I expected them to show kindness to me as I would have to them. I think that is how we set ourselves up for failure. Others are not us. They don't have the same feelings, knowledge, emotional make-up or life experiences. I think my sorrow is in the fact that the opportunity for that experience has passed and will not come again in the exact same or even similar way. So much is going on in the world today. But I cannot and will not be defined by how a few people treat me. My kindness is my own and I will continue to show it every chance I get. I will also think twice about not doing all I can to live in the moment and be grateful for everyone I can touch while I can physically touch them. Life is too short to live any other way.

Recognizing Abuse

I wrote this a few years back and felt the need to share it today. So many people are in bad situations of mental, physical and/or emotional abuse. If that is you, please seek help. We need you here with us to help break the cycle. We need you to help show our children and grandchildren how to treat each other and how to come from a place of love and not fear. That is the only way we can break the cycle. But we must work together.

I am going to try to put into words what I feel and where I am. It is a familiar place because I have been there myself. Yesterday I was transported back in time to that place. Only it wasn't me who was in the situation. It was you. What I saw broke my heart so badly that I had to retreat to the only safe haven I know. My home. 

Yesterday I saw a master manipulator and verbal abuser at work in a way that almost seemed innocent. I recognized the words as what they were- abuse. I tried to correct the abuse and reason with it. But I could not. The person receiving the abuse was on the side of the abuser and I was the odd man out in the room. So I was asked not to correct the abuse but to let it live and thrive in the chaos. It was then that everything clicked for me. The whole picture became crystal clear and I understood the words, the actions, the silence, the rejection, the pain, the evil. The floodgates of my emotions opened. It became such an uncomfortable place, I honestly felt my heart break into a million pieces and I suddenly could not catch my breath. I was back in that terrible place. The only way I could breathe was to vacate the premises. And that too was painful because of the babies I wanted so desperately to protect. They are so innocent and precious. I was torn and conflicted but in the end, I had to save myself so I could live to fight another day. Put on your own oxygen mask first, then help others. I am here now, in my safe haven. But you are there still subject to the pain and hurt that you have become accustomed to. I remember it so well because I would excuse it the same way too. That's what made it all click. Even here in my safe place, my heart still hurts and my tears still flow. I again feel helpless as a woman. Helpless to shield you and your beautiful children from the familiar, unhappy place I lived in for years. I wish I could instill in you the power and the wisdom to see what I see. But I cannot. One day you will see it too. I just pray that there will not be a lot of collateral damage in the meantime. I hope and pray that you and your beautiful children will find the love, security and happiness you all so rightly deserve. Only then will I be able to sleep in peace and get rid of this constant ache that occupies my heart. I love you.